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(4 don't break it | Shake it) havent updated in like 4 months... [08 Sep 2005|09:58pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | a mexican yelling ] so today was a good day... boyfriend sent me 8 red long stem roses along with 1 white rose to school. Because of the lil 9 month , ya ya ya. Then he picked me up, dropped me off at home so i could nap. and i was woken up by 2 tickets to see HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS BAYSIDE AND SILVERSTEIN ON DEC. 2ND! courtesy of boyfriend =) and its only 3 days before my bday! ..life is good. be jealous ;) today was magically delicious. that is all*

(2 don't break it | Shake it) eh [30 May 2005|07:43pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | papa roach - scars ] its safe to say that i hate funerals. i hate wakes. id much rather prefer to see my friends in the flesh as opposed to seein them in a caskette. im sure many agree with me on this one. im so pissed off... how could he do this to us. i hope hes happy! >:0 as bad as this sounds.. i didnt cry for him. i cried for his family.. i cried for my friends that with anything i say or do are unable to have comfort. i cry for his mother whom i adore, and who is the last person to deserve this. and also his siblings and Big Nick. I couldnt stand seeing my friends cry and be in so much pain. especially the old crew. ryan,jon,marco,<--- could not stand to see those boys cry. when i saw marco break down.. i broke down right along with him. he doesnt deserve this. nun of those boys do. Seeing jenn just reminded me of all the good times that cucchi, she, and i all had together. it made me smile.. but it was prob why she was crying .. that and many other things. I see it as, why should i cry for him when this is what he wanted? its unfortunate that it had to happen,especially in the way that he choose to have it happen. But its obviously what he wanted. i cry for everyone, not for him as bad as it sounds. i understand he was in pain, but like i said.. this is what he wanted. and im so so so sorry for all my friends who are going thru this and arent as cold hearted as me when it comes to this. but im all ears.. im here. it sucks this had to happen. yesterday at the wake, nicks mom started crying in my arms and just told me a few short details about some of the funny things that the boys and i would do around her house and what not. it was sad, i tried to comfort her. but she obviously had heard all of it before, and will continue to hear the same" im sorry's" etc. so incredibly sad, i felt like shit cause i didnt cry. i was just so pissed off, he promised he wouldnt leave me and he did. I hate seeing my friends like this.. i dunno i should stop writing before things start coming out in a way that i dont want them too. <333 rip cucchi<3 even tho im so angry, ill always have u in my heart and in my thoughts. i love you.

(4 don't break it | Shake it) ...... [26 May 2005|01:35pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | nothing ] i think this is an on-going pattern for me every year in highschool so far. last year i lost alexis when she took her own life. And now its happened again.. to one of my best friends. many of you must have heard what had happend to Nick cucchiara. Im not sure what happend that killed him.. there are some rumors but its nothing i wanna write in this especially if it isnt true. He was my Basic Tv partner.. we sat next to eachother 3rd and 4th period. He was over my house everyday in the summer with ryan or dumbo or jon. And we would just have good times. Or who knows where we woiuld be but we'd always be together. Hes the one who helped me enjoy like that 8th grade year when i met him. i hated that year.. then i became friends with him, i met him at jorge's party when it was his freshman year along with dumbo and ryan cause they were with him. He asked for my number and then the next thing u kno its me ryan cucchi dumbo marco karina mcguiness all at nick's house. i hardly knew him lol. I hated everyone in my class, so i hung out with all of them all the time.. up until a lil while ago that is. Nick and my boyfriend dont get along so we couldnt spend as much time together =( Nick was there for me when alexis died.. he was practically my rock.i could always depend on him to make me feel better and make me laugh. If i wanted a honest answer about something, i knew i could go to him. When no one was there for me, he always stuck around. Id always ask him to make italian babies with me, but he refused cause he didnt want them to have "dirty mexican genes" hahah. When i hated life, he gave me a reason to love it. He was my escape from everything, hes the reason why i have the great friends that i do. he introduced me to all of them. i cant thank him enough, but now its too late to do it in person. this is horrible to all my friends, im sorry this had to happen. Just remember the good times and remember that ill always be here, no matter what. Never hold a grudge against anyone.. cause tragic things like this can happen at any moment. Dont live with regrets. Im sorry for all the things i did, but im here now.<3 i love u guys. rest in peace cucchi. when u left, i lost a part of me. ur always in my heart,my thoughts and prayers.<3

(4 don't break it | Shake it) [18 May 2005|04:37pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | bensin ] i havent updated in almost 6 months... interesting yeah so , life has been great... for the most part. boyfriend has been great. been together for almost 6 months :) and yeah... i miss my friends lol oh. and ive been sober for like 4 months surprisingly, seeing since all the rest of my entries were drunken ones. lol schools almost over... cant wait. im a loser. leave me a lil lovin ;)

(2 don't break it | Shake it) =) [24 Dec 2004|09:48am] [ mood | full ] [ music | crossfade-cold ] kirk just left he gave me a part of my X-mas gift. its a "khlata" .. sp..? ring. its made out of lil gems. so pretty. its X-mas in Mexico today and he remembered, hence the early gift haha hes great, couldnt ask for ne better. im going over to his house tomorrow for X-mas. that should be interesting. mother made a huge meal today and i had my family from maine come over. It was great Merry Christmas Everyone ps-i miss my friends. :(

(8 don't break it | Shake it) im bbbbbbbbacccccckkkkkkk [19 Dec 2004|10:10am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Bayside- Just enough to love you ] i havent been updating or nething at all lately. mostly because i got into a lot of trouble for having this thing cuz ummm my dad found it after i got ratted out for the things that i do and half of which werent even true =) but that happend awhile ago. on friday i went to kirk's winter dance for st.b's. so much fun. alaina and jenn were there. we danced the night away haha. kirk is absolutely wonderful :) he had roses sent to lhs on friday for me. it was my surprise :) half dozen white roses <-- my favorite. he got major points for that haha. the dance was so much fun. and yesterday i went over his house. we watched Elf haha. we kinda got into a fight :-/ heh. yeah but its fine now. i decided to be nice. i straight up love this kid. hes a winner lol ill let him live thats it for now. but i think im gonna be making this a friends only. so you kno what to do if u want In on this lol leave it

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